Sorry Jamie, but those radiant blue eyes of Ada's that glint like the turquoise water of a coral-island lagoon were from me. Sorry Jamie, but Ada's appreciation for and love of Afro beat poly-rhythms and Turkish throat singing is from me. Sorry Jamie, but the way Ada approvingly squeals at the slightest sight of a humble wren or sparrow, belying a deep appreciation for the balance and harmony of nature is...you guessed it...also from me.
Negative characteristics are the result of DNA corruption which most likely came from your partner.
Our babies, toddlers, and children are the lake; we parents are Narcissus.
It's a sad, sad fact.
Yet our infatuation with our children--ahem, ourselves--isn't only relegated to obsessing over positive physical or personality traits. Nope. We do it with "first words" as well. And in a way it makes total sense: genes were given; we have no choice. But words, and the value systems and beliefs that they represent, are bestowed. In an odd way, a baby's vocabulary is both a reflection and insight into the culture of the household in which he/she lives. We parents have a serious responsibility in cultivating a loving and positive environment to encourage proper brain development and intellect. In reality, though, the major reason we do so is because we want to feel good about ourselves. And, of course, we don't want to be embarrassed in public. And we've all heard the stories:
*The young dad who is devastated to hear his child say "bullshit" in the navel of the church during a Sunday children's sermon--the child's word serving more as an indictment of the unrighteous and immoral father.
*The boy who goes to school saying "piss" and "hell" while he terrorizes the girls.
*The little girl that screams "F***" on the playground as her sweaty hands slip off the monkey bars and she lands on her knees in the mulch.
It's why Jamie and I have a battle each night to see whether Ada will say "dada" or "mama" first. (For those of you wondering, "dada" won out. Another point for me!) I would much rather have Ada say "multiculturalism" before "racism." What a blessing it would be if Ada said "jazz" before she said "pizza" and "monograph" before "TV." It's kind of funny how we parents can use a child's first words to manipulate the image of ourselves that we want to broadcast to the community, because, let's face it, everyone else can see through our garbage. But with a child, "they just tell the truth."
I see it in my own family when my mother in her failed attempt to make sense of how I drifted so far to the left from her own political spectrum frustratedly exclaims, "The first word out of your mouth was 'REAGAN!'" It wasn't my first word, but my mother's proudest word moment.
I cringe every time she says it.
Oh Lord how I've hoped Ada's first word will be "Bernie!"
In reality, Ada's first word was "yogurt." I'm still trying to decipher the meaning. It seems that my plan to make Ada my little ideological play-back function has failed. "Yogurt" is decidedly neutral. It means nothing. Jamie doesn't believe that yogurt was her first word; however, it was. I'm not backing down. I think Jamie is hoping that Ada's first word is going to be "art" or something.
Ada's second word was "wow." This is better. Still a bit neutral, but at least Jamie and I can rest assured that "wow" signifies a growing curiosity of the wonderful world around her.
And in that we can both rest assured that we're great parents. Everyone can now hear and know it.
