Reflection

Christmas arrived quicker than I expected. There wasn't really much of a build-up to the holiday this year, as there was last year. I'm sure some of the reason for this is because I am really looking forward to the weeks AFTER the holiday, as that marks the time when both my mom and brother, and Jamie's mom will be in Policka visiting.

Many times throughout the weeks, I find myself in thought and reflection about the upcoming seven months. Some days, I am ready to leave; I think that I've spent too much time away from home, and my job is becoming way too monotonous. However, there are those times-- and there are plenty-- when I am in the company of friends, maybe in pub or in a living room, where we are speaking Czech, laughing, sharing stories and even reminiscing about our first impressions of each other. When I think back to last year and all the work and study that went into understanding the Czech culture, language and way of life, I am left with a sense of accomplishment for what Jamie and I have been able to do in only 18 months. Yet, just when I feel that I have finally gotten comfortable in my life setting, I am reminded that I must leave and that all is fleeting, to a degree.

Last week, I looked through old pictures of the Policka congregation. I saw so many faces that were familiar, albeit, a little younger and less creased. The pictures were of youth retreats in Slovakia; Sunday trips to small, Moravian villages; and Christmas plays acted out 10 years ago. Jamie and I have only been a part of this congregation for a year and a half; we are just a small marker in the time line of Policka's history. Those in the church will be here long after we have left.

When Jamie and I leave, I'm sure that it will be very difficult for us and for those we have grown close to. Usually, when most people have lived through and experienced life together, there is a tendency to make large 'promises' and assurances that one day, in the far future, "We will see each other again." I don't want to do that. The cold-hard reality of our situation here is that we very well might not see many of our Czech friends again. Yes, we will speak through skype and email, every once and a while, but the day-to-day interaction of laughing, talking, being vulnerable and sharing ideas will not be as easy as it is here. I guess, there will come a time when my feelings for Policka, and the Czechs, will slowly, but surely, weaken into a memory from my 'younger years'.

I am often left wondering about what I will take from these two years in Policka. I remember that when my parents or friends would travel, they would bring back with them some kind of trinket, or clothing from an exotic local; however, they were usually only there for a few months, maximum. Yes, I could take a few pictures and traditional Czech mementos that remind of the country, but I want something more cerebral, more long-lasting; I want Policka to be woven into the fabric of who I am, even when the experiences here become blurry and vague. Of course, I could take the mindset that has been gained and some of the habits that I've become accustomed to, but those usually fall by the wayside, when the pulse of living, back at home, makes holding onto the newly-acquired lifestyle futile and frustrating (also, I'm not so sure some of the habits here are very good--lack of common courtesy being one). I don't really know what it is yet that I'm going to bring back, but I hope that it is the language; even though, that will be hard to maintain once I leave the border. I also want to always keep American 'cultural wars' in perspective in relation to the world.
It should be interesting...

I don't know, maybe all I'll have left from Policka is the appreciation of a good beer and a lovely, red wine, and I guess that would be okay in my book as well.

Sorry for the vagueness of this post; I feel like most of the time I'm talking around the 'real' idea, which I believe is a consequence of not fully comprehending what exactly is in store for me this summer, and what has happened to me in Policka.