The walls in our apartment are really bare. I haven't seen them look this way since we first moved into the place nearly two years ago. Pictures of friends that have hung on the walls have been placed in plastice bags and laid in the three suticases that lay on the floor, both in our living room and our bed room. Everything seems so empty and transitional. We're running out of food in our pantry, and I really haven't been motivated to take a jaunt over to the store to buy some more boxed milk or cereal; it's pointless really, we're only going to be in this apartment for a total of fourteen more days. To make the fact that we no longer have food in our aparment even more irrelevent, I know that we will have invitations to dinner or to lunch nearly every single day from here on out, from friends who want to celebrate with us one last time before our not-so-long off departure date. We've set up a table in the church entrance-way, where we've placed many of our old clothes and some random items that we won't be taking back with us to the United States. Some of the sweaters that I'm trying to get rid of have been a part of my daily wardrob for about seven years; I don't feel bad about leaving them in the Czech Republic; I view it as a time to start a new era in my life, and I think a change of clothes is an easy, superficial way to manifest this change--maybe I'll actually start to buy some button-downed shirts and ties!? Who knows!?
Last night I went home and started to read some Shakespeare, and it struck me that I haven't read any English-language literature in a very long time. For the past two years, I've been trying to immerse myself in the Czech language, so much so, that I've so often tried to dredge through Czech literature (often met with failure), that I actually forgot how beautiful and easy it is to understand my native language--Shakespeare really is the crown jewel of our language; I've grown to appreciate his writing; his use of rhythm and syntax usually have me literally sitting on the end of my seat reveling in the richness of his vocabulary and the unique way in which he enables the language to express ideas/emotions/physical objects in such creative and beautiful forms. In reality, I guess I've come to the conclusion that I gotta get back into an 'anglo form of mind', if you will.
It'll be difficult to fly away in a month. I'm going to miss the feeling of uniquness that comes from always having another trip to a foreign land at my fingertips. I've grown quite fond of being the foreigner in the group who has the thick accent and the different perspective. I'm sure that the tourist-filled streets of Prague will pull at my heart when, in less than two months, I find myself walking alone at night on the desolate, wide-open roads of back-country Pennsylvania. Life here seems so energetic, and yet, so rooted in history; it's quite a fascinating contrast, but one that I like. I'll miss the continual growth that comes from living in a place that is not the home of childhood memories, and the new perspectives that are dropped upon me on a daily basis. I know that I can find this in the USA, but I'm not so sure what it'll look like...
It's really hard for me to get perpsepective on the fact that in less than a month I won't be in Policka anymore. Many of my friends here have recently been asking me if Jamie and I plan on coming back to visit some time. I usually say yes. But, I don't really know. To tell you the truth, it doesn't seem like I'm really leaving. I get so caught up with living day-to-day, and not knowing REALLY what awaits me next year in Erie, that I've become accustomed to thinking about the USA and 'home' in a very 'theoretical' sense: like it's many years off in the future, and where I can't plan it, I can only imgaine it. I'm curious to see what friends I'll retain in Policka. I already know of some, where, sadly, our relationship will quickly wither as we separate. However, there are others where I know they'll be my friends for life, and while that is comforting, I have yet to know how close we will be...maybe just acquaintences for life?! Even as the language barrier has broken down between me and many of my Czech friends, I sometimes still sit back and reflect on the fact that we really do differ on cultural levels, and sometimes, irregardless of language, those cultural influences can sabotage a friendship, or make it stronger...I don't know yet what the fate will be for me and my relationships.
Today as I'm typing this, I'm going to the bowling alley with the youth group from our church, as it will serve as a kind of farewell for both Jamie and I. After this week, Jamie and I will be taking a trip to Slovakia, where we'll be hounding along the path of some of my ancestors, and camping in a National Park known as 'Slovenksy Raj', or 'Slovakian Paradise'; consequently, this is our offical last week of work in the church---the week that we get back from our vacation will be full of packing and cleaning of our apartment. I look forward to going to the bowling alley tonight, and I realized today that we cleaned out the church for one of the final times. At about three in the afternoon I found myself sitting at my desk staring out the window, because I literally felt like my work was complete. I couldn't think of anything else that I REALLY needed to get done. So instead, I stared out the window and took in one last scene of the trees and of the pond across from the church, where they're setting up a stage for the local musical festival that starts tonight. I was content to just be idle. For the past two years I've been working at making this church and this ministry relevant. Many times I felt like I've failed, or I've drifted from my main purpose, yet today I took solace in the fact that I could finally take a breather. Tomorrow I'll spend time with friends at the concert; tonight I'll be bowling with the youth; next week I'll be traversing the Slovakian Tatras; and next week I'll be eating (probably) my last home-made Svickova. What is there not to like about this ending?
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