Fluency!?

Learning a completely different language can be really funny. Aside from the horrendous pronunciation, confusion that comes when one is in public, the laughter of insensitive people, the mix-up of sentence structure, the feeling of hopelessness and frustration, and the realization that you will NEVER speak this language like a born and bred native, there are moments where I thoroughly am pleased with myself. Not with how much I know of Czech, but by how well I conceal my confusion.

I am convinced that my students only understand about 70 percent of what I actually say in class. The other 30 percent gets lost in the blank stares and icy complexions that arise when they realize, "Crap, he thinks I know what he is talking about. I don't. Uh oh, how do I tell him I don't know? Maybe I should pretend. That's right, I'll pretend. Oh, I hope nothing important is discussed. What if he asks me a question!?"
At this point in my journey here, I am much better acquainted with my students on an emotional level, because I FEEL and UNDERSTAND their pain.
Many times when I enter into a Czech conversation with someone who is willing to engage me, I bluff. Sometimes I feel as if waves of words keep washing over my head and I am just kicking to stay afloat: "maybe there will be a break, just a few words I know." Other times, I catch the general idea, lose the train of thought, then pick it back up at the end of the sentence: at this point it is always good for me to make a comment or ask a question to assure the person that I do understand, a little....

During a conversation, there is always a period of conflict where you can either chose two directions: one, you say you don't understand; two, you let them talk in the hopes that at some magical moment, you pick up what they're puttin' down. Often times, I chose the second option. For one, I like the adventure; for two, I really do feel guilty telling the person they make no sense to me, especially if I can see they are passionately into the conversation; I feel so fake when I engage in this charade of understanding. So, I asked Jan, "is it common to ACT like you understand when learning a new language?" He answered, "of course, we all do that, and we all go through the dread of being found out!"

When I speak Czech, I have grown to expect certain reactions from the Czech person who is hearing my words. They are as follows:

1. They instantly start speaking in German or French: This is quite interesting for me, because it really makes me feel bad. Number one, I don't understand German of French, which leads to the really embarrassing concession, “I only speak English and a little bit of Czech, but you obviously don't understand my Czech, so I can't say I speak a little bit, huh?"
I know why people revert to German and French: they know that these two languages are more international than Czech, so they assume that I understand those as well.
Also, many Czechs, who have never studied English, at least know that it is a "Germanic" language, which some how gives them reason to assume that I actually understand German. It is usually a surprise to some old-timer Czechs when I am totally lost. I think part of the problem comes about because Czech's closest linguistically related language is Slovak, and both of these are multi-intellgible: they can understand each other. Sadly, English and German are not so.

2. Looked confused, squint, then speak really QUICKLY: I can't really blame Czech people for this reaction either. Unlike English speakers, Czechs are not used to their language being butchered. I mean, if a Czech man comes into my class and says this, " Want. class. I", I just help him out by filling in the blanks and moving the words around in my mind. However, when speaking Czech, I have to be aware of my accent and the fact that I WILL mess up the structure of the sentence, because Czechs will be completely lost; they can't think in their language unless it is PERFECTLY spoken.
This leads to some really frustratingly comical incidents where I repeat the words or sentences about five times and get the same blank look. I want to say, "OK, I know the words are in the wrong order. I know I have an accent. But, HELP ME!!!"
Upon hearing "Czenglish," the Czech person will then proceed to speak at a speed that is the equivalent to 13-year girls in a mall. I ask them to slow down. This does not work. Asking them to slow down, some how (maybe it is my accent) means "please, speak really loudly and quickly, so I can be thoroughly embarrassed." It's amazing; it's like magic.

3. Proclaim that most beautiful, holistic Czech was just uttered: there are times in life where I can appreciate a lie. This is one of them. Usually the conversation goes something like this:

- Czech man: " qofiejaqpwoifjaposifjapsdoifjapsdoifapodij"
-me: “I’m sorry, could you slow down? I speak English."
- Czech man: " ARE YOU ENGLISH?"
- Me: "no, I am an American."
- Czech man: "You understand Czech?"
- Me: "I understand a little bit. It is hard."
-Czech man: “you speak the most beautiful Czech I have ever heard."

(Remember, this whole conversation has been translated into English......)

Now, I know that he is lying to me. Yet, it makes me feel good. However, they often times will leave very quickly upon announcing that I speak beautiful Czech and never come back, hmmm......

These are the three major reactions that I receive. Now, these are not static reactions; in fact, I might experience all three types in just ONE person!