Thursday, May 29, 2008

Human foresight...

One year ago I (Jeremy) remember telling my family and friends that I felt like I was approaching a precipice: college was over, I was leaving for the Peace Corps and I had to grow up quickly. I was sitting dumbfounded with my legs crossed and my back rapidly closing in on the vertical drop, which would soon lead me down a cascade of rapids and waterfalls_the unknown.

To say that I have grown more comfortable since then would be a lie. After all, I would have never guessed that Jamie and me would be married, that we would be leaving to do ministry in the Czech Republic and that the Pittsburgh Penguins would be in the Stanley Cup (not that these are bad).

The second to last day that Jamie and I will be here at Camp Willson has past, and I know that both of us are ready for our next transition. Yet, we are nervous. In a parallel pattern, I am again feeling the same anxiety from the unknown: this time it is to the Czech Republic. I guess the sitting cross-legged-going-over-a-waterfall thing might be a little bit too extreme, but I know that I am struggling to imagine. Jamie and I are certain that we have ideas and that the Lord has called us and our gifts to the ministry, but it has been so hard to focus. With all the work that needs to be done at Willson and with our daily responsibilities that seem never-ending, I feel that the mundane has dulled my sense that we are making a BIG change. In one day our time in Ohio will be officially over; however, it hasn't struck me yet. I will not be going back to Willson. The friends Jamie and I have made will now be faraway. No more kids. No more tiger salamander. No more Mac-o-chee. TIME FOR CHANGE.

Yet, this might be how God wants it. Anyone that lives a self-sacrificial life in the service of others might only have human foresight. Think about it: if Nelson Mandela really knew that he would spend thirty years in prison, would he have fought hard? Would Medgar Evers have fought for Blacks in Mississippi if he knew he would die with three young children? What about Mother Teresa? Jesus was the only one I can think of who had a hint of his real calling (sacrificial Love) and even he, when it was fully revealed to him, asked for the cup to be taken from him. Now, I am not saying that I am on any level near those wonderful disciples, but I do think there can be a connection: it's like a shot. If I know that the needle is coming to stick me in the arm, and I watch the tip enter my skin, I know that it will hurt. However, the doctor distracts me. While my mind wanders, the needle goes in with minimal pain.

Am I saying that God's work can be painful? Yes.

Giving your life for the Kingdom is much like faith. If we get caught on trying to rationally prove our faith through factual knowledge and scientific inquiry, then what are we really left believing? Where is faith? In the same vein, to chose a life's work or a passion based on the assured knowledge of what is to come lacks whole-hearted devotion (I am reminded the we must hold with both hands to the plow and not look back).

I feel that this is rambling and I am not making very much sense, but I will try to sum up my feelings in short sentences:

God's imagination for this ministry is greater than I could dream.
My foresight is dull and diluted.
Jamie and I must rest in the fact that we are the mediums, not the message.
I am always amazed how God uses imperfect beings to accomplish his holistic plan.
I hope we can be faithful.
A month and a half until we
Jamie and I wish for acceptance.
Jamie is really creative.
We must be still in God's plan and know that it is for good.

We are blessed.

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